Recovering from narcissistic abuse


Being in a toxic relationship can be extremely hard on mental health. One form of an abusive relationship is when you are stuck with a partner who is a narcissist.


People having a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have a heightened sense of self. They believe themselves to be superior to others, and therefore have no qualms in putting people down. Moreover, narcissists are also extremely manipulative as well.


Narcissists also are very critical. They shift the blame on their partner and refuse to cater to the wellbeing of their partner. They also do not emotionally support their partner. On the contrary, they control the emotional response of their partner.


The impact of narcissistic abuse is contingent on where the partner fell on the spectrum of NPD, the duration of the relationship, and the extent of damage endured. Most people do require the assistance of a therapist, whom they can consult via, to recover.


Recovering from an abusive relationship

Even though you may know that you were not to be blamed, however, the dire impact of the toxic may continue still. Here are some things that will help you recover:


Acknowledge the abuse

Denial will not help you get better. In order to start your healing journey, it is important for you to acknowledge the abuse. It is pertinent that you realize their narcissism has nothing to do with you.


Know that it was a form of abuse that you took, and not lack of chemistry, or something equally innocuous. Unless you understand the problem, how will you serve the correct solution?


Be nicer to yourself

Narcissists are already great at picking at your confidence and making you doubt yourself. So, understandably, you are coming from a place of low self-confidence. However, you must be actively kinder to yourself.


Tell yourself that you are in no way responsible for the abuse sustained. A narcissist alone is responsible for their own actions. Mantras that can help include I deserve love, I am strong etc.


Get support

Talking with others can also help you in recovering from abuse from a narcissist. You can talk to your friends and family who can offer perspective, give you comfort, and aid in your process of healing.


However, be careful about the person whom you decide to trust. Some narcissists can be charming, so mutual friends might not acknowledge your pain, but instead, deter your healing by shifting the blame on you. Hence, be careful in your choice of confidant.


Memories will stay

Your memories will stay and might even haunt you. Narcissists can be charismatic, so some good times with them may ring well. However, that reality does not hold for most cases. After breaking up, your brain might dredge up these memories.


Rather than becoming unsure of your decision because of them, know it is okay to acknowledge and own the good moments. Take them for what they were; your past, and let them not affect your future.


Undo the damage

Narcissists are very critical and thus may lead you to believe your choice is bad, you are ugly, and similar impolite notions. It is time to reclaim yourself; the narcissist does not deserve any control over your life.

Acknowledge the emotional onslaught

In the aftermath of a breakup, you are already emotionally vulnerable. The situation is much worse when it is an abusive relationship, as the baggage is greater. Therefore, be prepared for the onslaught of emotions that is bound to come.


You should be prepared to feel grief, loss, shock, sadness, and even depression. You might also feel ashamed for falling trap to such a person and a relationship.


Depending on how bad the relationship was, you might also be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as well. Navigating these emotions might be an extremely hard thing, and you might need the help of an expert like a Psychiatrist in Islamabad then. 

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